INTRODUCTION
Practical jokes are fun. I've played a few in my time, and have been a party to several others. Before we start, I'd like to give a precautionary note.
Durty Dan Sez:
DO NOT mess with a paintmarker's velocity adjuster, air source or any safety device (plugs and goggles). We're trying to have fun, not seriously injure someone.
PLUGGED HOPPER PLOY
All you have to do is find a couple of those paintballs that have swelled up. You'll find them on the ground in the playing area from time to time, especially in damper climates. A couple of these in the hopper, or reloading tubes, of your victim will really bung up the works. Even if they shake their loaders, when the over-sized ball blocks the feed, the larger (and subsequently heavier) ball will work its way back down. Agitating loaders (the motorized ones) will actually speed the process up.
SLIMED STUFF GOTCHA
A couple of paintballs tossed in your victim's gear, tool kit, or gun bag will result in slimed gear when they get home. I came across this idea by accident one day. A tube had opened up in my gear, spilling the ten paintballs into the midst of things. You wouldn't believe the mess they made.
EMPTY TUBE SURPRISE
Stuff a reloading tube with paper towel and leave enough room at the top for a few paintballs to camouflage your deviltry. Fun and games! I've even seen paint replaced by those spring-loaded "snakes" you find in those joke cans.
WET & WILD FUN
Pour water into your victim's reloading tube. Even if the water eventually leaks out, the balls will have absorbed enough to swell and create a Plugged Hopper Ploy. If the water stays in, he'll reload more than paint! For even more fun, if the loading tube has a tight enough seal, just fill it with water. Watch the fun when he flips the pop-top!
LOADER LID SABOTAGE
This is devilishly simple, but has a great effect. Tape the lid shut on the loader. Your victim will pretty near tear his own thumb off trying to flip that lid open. It'll take TWO hands to rectify the situation, if he sees the tape, during the game. He'll be hard pressed to do anything to correct the problem. One hand is holding his paintmarker, his other hand is holding the sabotaged loader.
PHANTOM BARREL PLUG
Take a piece of paper towel and 'scruntch' it up, using a stick, jam it down the barrel of your victim's paintmarker. Imagine their consternation when they see that wad of paper come flying out their barrel, instead of a paintball. For more fun, tear the towel into two pieces. Stuff the first piece down, pour in some confetti, and stuff the other piece down.
Durty Dan Sez:
Yell, "Happy New Year!" just before he shoots. This is a real hoot at the chrono station.
EMPTY 12 GRAM GRAB
No, I haven't forgotten stock players. Take a few spent (empty) 12 grams and switch them with the full ones on your victim's harness. When he changes twelve grams, he'll eventually be getting a dud. What FUN! If you have some "tin tape" (used to seal junctions in building ventilation systems) and some patience, you can put some tape over the end of the empty 12 gram and cut it to fit. If they are suspicious and check the ends for piercing holes, they will be blissfully unaware of the fate that will eventually befall them.
OLD PAINT SWITCH-ER-OO
Got some old dimpled, brittle paint that's been around since Moses was a Boy Scout? Drop it into your victim's loaders. He won't know whether to spit or wind his watch when that stuff starts coming out his barrel.
SQUEEGEE SABOTAGE
This takes a little planning. Note what type of squeegee your victim carries. Get one like it and you can do the following to it:
i.notch the rubber disk(s) so they don't clean all the paint out; or
ii.remove the disk(s) altogether (this is good if it is one of those stick squeegees in a holster); or
iii. a cable "pull trough" type squeegee can be sabotaged as above; or
Next game day, switch squeegees with your victim.
MOOCH MASHER
Do you have someone you play with who is always asking for more paint, or a squeegee, during a game? If it's a squeegee he's after, toss him a Squeegee Sabotage. If it's paint, how about giving him one of your Plugged Hopper Ploy, Empty Tube Surprise, Wet & Wild Fun, or Loader Lid Sabotage loaders!
A string tied to the article in question can be used to ensure the article will ALWAYS be out of reach.
IMPORTANT NOTE
Do not do this to anyone who does not have a sense of humour. It should also be restricted to those who know you.
Strangers can react in dangerous ways, and not everyone enjoys a good practical joke. Save these for recreational play days and team practices, not during the finals at the NPPL.
Don't do anything unsafe, and be prepared to pay for, or replace, anything that gets damaged. If you ruin a 100 rounds of paint, replace them. If you scratch the inside of your victim's barrel, be prepared to have it honed, or replaced.
Always remember, when you play these jokes on someone, they just might retaliate. Revenge is a bitter dish, best served cold.
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